Opening Thoughts: This cast and this season are bent on making Real World history. Last week, we found out about the Production Office inside the house and this week the producers invoke some clause where-by you can be kicked off the show if you "don't do your job." Weeks ago we joked about how this season they didn't even have a job in a traditional sense (i.e. helping someone with a business) but rather were exploring their own personal growth (i.e. bombing on stage in front of professional comics). But apparently, "not going to improv class" can get you kicked off the show. This makes about as much sense as National Treasure 2.
Kim: It's funny how you basically can't get face-time on this season unless you're saying something profoundly racist or emotionally destructive. Kim, you were completely shut out last night. I have nothing to tell you. Oh, and how's that career as an entertainment reporter going? Really? I bet.
Sarah: Alright, the good girl thing was wearing a LITTLE thin. But I will say this: you are the only person who gives half a damn about Joey's recovery. In fact, I think you're almost a little attracted to him. Did you think we didn't see how some sexual tension started to develop between you and Joe? First it's a hug. Then, oh gosh, we're alone in the car? And then it's a kiss on the cheek and Joey is telling you "I know I'm not supposed to do that." But it's ok. Because he's an alcoholic. So he NEEDS you. Which means. Joey is now the surprising dark horse to help you cheat on Ryan (who, might I add, provided a classic 10-year old voice on the phone).
Bri: Moment of the night: "Yeah and he didn't even want to press charges!" When you are uttering the previous phrase, it should be a wake-up call.
Dave: Let's face it. You don't like Joey. You like drinking Dave. You like kissing dumpy girls. You like a lot of things but, for all your talk, you don't really like Joey. Let's just call it what it is. He almost tried to kill you and other people in the house. I don't blame you. But don't pretend you like him. You. are. not. boys.
Greg: You made Real World history, my friend. You didn't show up to improv three times and you got kicked off the show. Given that Joey and Will have done thousands of dollars of damage to the house and both have threatened other castmates and thrown shit around and been, pretty much, a pubic menace - it's just a little hard to believe that you would get canned for ... attendance. Real World casts have worked at an Arena Football team, a tanning salon, and last year Kelly Ann got hammered on an adult vacation tour she was leading when "drinking was NOT ALLOWED." But we laughed when people didn't take those things seriously. Because. We didn't think anything was on the line. I guess we're living in a different world now. The Real World "job" is now life-and-death. Thanks for the memories.
Will: You met Janelle from Real World Key West. This is also the first time in Real World history that a cast member from a previous season has appeared on a current season. I guess it's sort of predictable given that we are in Hollywood. But, let's not pretend Janelle has "all these industry contacts." Janelle is washed up at 25. Janelle was the ugly, loud, friend-of-Tyler on the Key West season. Frankly, it's amazing she didn't get killed in one of those hurricanes. Janelle was certainly never cute. Not even a little. Also, Zach from Real World Key West makes an appearance and looks way less stoned than he did on his season. He actually looked coherent. There is a God?
Joey: This was your second-to-last episode. You're back in the grind and the roommates are drinking. It's not their fault and it's not yours. But you need to go home or you need to start drinking again. We all want the best for you but this season is going to get REAL boring REAL fast if every episode has you complaining about how "no one cares" while the roommates tip bottles to the sky and shotgun beers. Great work trying to make a play for Sarah though. I did NOT see that coming. Underrated moment: you come back from rehab, go into your room and say "Great to have a bed again." Did they make you sleep on the floor at Dr. Drew's? Was this like an Outward Bound thing? Also, when you said you "smelled alcohol in the air" and seeing "that glass of ice" - I guess we can only file your addiction under "down but not out." Your alcoholism is like the Terminator. You're going to have to leave the show. But those facial and neck-ticks. They can stay because that. is. terrifying.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Real World Hollywood :: Episode Eight (So it's cool if we just ...)
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9 comments:
good recap geoffrey.
mtv, subtle as you are, i think we can read between the lines. the best sober plans, eh? i am going to comment in terms of my fave moments/quotes.
rehab was the most exhilirating, uplifting, experience i've ever had in my life, you just learn so much about yourself"- joey
was one of these things that it's not in your nature to not be a boozhound? 'cause you're about to learn that lesson the hard way in five, four, tequila, three, zinfandel, two, hammered. i was surprised joey made it out of the car without popping open a six pack. if i had to return to any of those people, i'd be drinking during the commute.
joey tells everyone that he's tired anyway and "has a lot to do". cue shot of two or three pairs of ripped jeans on joey's bed.....wow....joey, don't fold all of those in one place, take a breather or something before you move on to ironing those popped collars. you're fucked joe.
"i wanna be that love and support for joey"- sarah
pretty sure you're not st. sarah, you're just THAT boring, but it's just like a christian to cherry pick your moral causes and act like you're helping someone. good one, mtv. leave joey at home alone with the boring bitch. that will keep him sober.
it's really sad when former cast members have to piggyback off camera time of the current cast. will wants to network with janelle, yet clearly she wants to network with the cameras. this is a sad game of who is more pathetic. but will has a kindergarden crush. awww how cute. is joey drinking yet? im bored.
mtv setting up mouse traps left and right for joey to fail. we've got the improv show we're prematurely throwing him into, we've got shots of vodka practically lined up ouside his door and we have his ex on the phone. mtv, level with us, did you call her? the devil is everywhere.
last, but certainly not least, i know mtv isn't exactly symbolic logic 101, but is there any rhyme or reason to who gets sent home and who doesnt? we've got a stripper who is dealing with an assualt charge, we've got a recovering alcoholic who i personally feel thereatened by just as a viewer and we've got will, who used greg's dead father to create a verbal hate crime, yet greg is late to/misses three improv shows and he's a goner. me thinks there is more to it. was greg too boring for the real world producers? all those pranks and not enough gusto? too much parading on a runway and not enough of an emotional cutter? maybe they have a better roommate also known as a bulimic/heroin addict waiting in the wings.
in the preview, joey speaks about life and death again. he looks like he is about to walk off the show, but our moral compass known as mtv probably won't let that happen. we'd then be down two cast members and this could turn into a real sleeper. whiskey tango foxtrot. wtf.
p.s watching sober tears come out of joey's eyes as he was on the phone with his rehab friend was like watching a golden retriever get slaughtered. someone nurse him with a zinfindel bottle quick.
This was by far the most boring episode of this season. No fights, no death threats, no blow jobs, no punching of inanimate objects.
Sorry Joey, but I don't give a fuck about your sobriety. I desperately need this guy to take down a bottle of Arbor Mist, smash it over his head, and gut anyone in the house with it. I don't care who.
It really is too bad that Greg got kicked off. Sadly, he was the most relatable person on the show. Now that he's gone, I have two questions:
1)What will become of Reva, the camera-hungry cumbucket? Is Greg going to spend the rest of his trip in her apartment, cleaning Will's nut out of her teeth?
2)Do we get a replacement cast member? Is it too late?
Since we're bringing back old Real Worlders, I say Greg be replaced by Brad from San Diego, who will insist that these kids stop dicking around with their Hollywood "careers," and immediately begin training for their real jobs for the next 10-20 years - The Gauntlet.
First off, I hate having to follow Phoebe with the comments. Even though I am witty and fun, she just brings the heat every time. Plus she says a lot of the same stuff I was thinking. Anyway, I have a few thoughts:
When you are going to name-drop a celeb to show just how serious you are about helping someone with addiction issues, know your audience. I doubt any of the cast, especially Greg and Will (sorry but its true) know who Chris Farley even is. You may as well have said John Belushi. Or Jim Belushi, but only if you are talking about sucking.
What is Sarah’s function exactly? It’s like they picked her to be the PC voice of reason on the show which clearly isn’t working. The best part of RW is how un-PC it always is because everyone on the show is emotionally fucked up beyond reason. Sarah is a girl who browbeats her boyfriend into submission, is a huge wet blanket, thinks she is way better than she is, and her idea of kinky is giving you a blowjob BUT only on your birthday and only after a few drinks. What’s interesting about that?? I know Sarah. Hell, I dated Sarah! Yeah, I know.
Who did less to get kicked out of the RW house; Greg or Puck from San Francisco? I mean really, Greg sluffed off something he never wanted to do in the first place and Puck treated a gay guy like a normal person. I don’t get it. Anyhoo, Greg should have realized that even if he didn’t want to do the improv thing, he should just bite the bullet and do it as modeling will always be there.
Dave reminds me of a few guys I was friends with in college. They were in a frat, they were fun in small doses, but you never wanted to get stuck with them on a long drive and you NEVER trusted them with your girl. I like how he won’t give up the ghost on the bandana thing though. Obviously he thinks that will get him invited to the Challenge.
Seeing Zach and Janelle was a nice little treat though. If I had to make a list of people from recent RW seasons who had a chance in Hollywood, Janelle would be near the bottom even though I do think she has a pretty hot body. But she pretty much sucks so seeing her try to “make it” in the entertainment business is pretty funny. I’m curious as to what exactly she thinks she will be doing.
As for Joey, well, I just spent the whole hour praying that he would relapse and become interesting/terrifying again. Look at it this way, sure Bruce Banner is real smart and his struggle is kind of interesting but at the end of the day, people want to see the Hulk. Show me the fucking Hulk already Joey! If you say sobriety one more damn time I am gonna fly out there and punch you in the mouth until you start downing Bartles and Jaymes. Don’t think I won’t.
Since Greg is gone and it looks like Joey is on the way out, I hope the alternates are good or sexy chicks or crazy or all of the above. This season is already on the threshold of being the most insane ever, push it over the edge MTV!
andy, i appreciate the support and i completely agree with you re: david. i noticed he wasted no time in telling jojo, "i have friends in town", which is redneck/frat boy speak for "you will be drunk and fun/scary again or we won't like you". then later, which i will admit was a funny line, "i would not want to tango with him when he's like that". it seems as if discussing ways to help joey is just a thinly veiled conversation about plotting his demise. david looks torn between terrified and wondering what would happen if he rufied joey. would that count as a relapse?
It would not count to you and me but since Joey is so racked with emotional trauma and guilt (not to mention batshit crazy) I'm sure he would find some way to blame himself for David slipping him a mickey. "Dude, I should have seen this coming, I can't believe I wrecked my SOBRIETY, I’m such a broken and worthless failure. I need a drink so bad! Boo hoo!”
You know, if Joey really wanted to cut the alcohol out of his life he would knock it off with the hair already. There is about 7 martini’s worth in that ‘do.
i think we should start placing bets. vegas odds. that kind of thing. if we're gonna go to hell, we might as well ride in on a pitchfork.
who thinks joey will:
a) voluntarily walk off the show without taking a sip of booze (the most boring option clearly)
b) attempt to walk off the show but have mtv intervene (aka the devil and our friend)
c)cry, drink, and tear apart the house (the most viewer friendly option)
d) all of the above (hey, its possible)
e) i can't say this option outloud, but you all know what i mean....
e)murder dave and hid his body under the hot tub?
e) brutal rape of Sarah while her boyfriend sits in the corner rocking back and forth saying "dude, let's talk about this" and crying his eyes out?
e) joey six feet under. fine, i'll say it.
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