In honor of the 4th season of The Hills, which is mere few days away, we would like to share some true gems with you. No matter what drama was going down in LaLa land, or in your own life, you could always count on the pillar of intellectualism that is the cast of this hot mess to give you some winning thoughts on life. You can't write this stuff people, so we won't even try.
18. "How would you characterize yourself as a high-school student?"-Admissions person at FIDM
8. "It's summertime playa, I got to get my gear on"-Spencer.
Going backwards from when The Hills was just a spin-off in L.C's eye...drumroll please...welcome to emerald city.
20. "This is my chance to make it all happen, in one city, where they say dreams come true"-L.C. Um, yeah. And by dreams come true, you mean you fuck for your 15 mins.
20. "This is my chance to make it all happen, in one city, where they say dreams come true"-L.C. Um, yeah. And by dreams come true, you mean you fuck for your 15 mins.
19. "School gets in the way of everything, I can't wait to finish already"-Heidi
"Heidi, you haven't even started here"-LC
Sometimes L.C delivers. This is one of those times. Way to call Heidi out for being skull-crushingly dumb in front of the cameras. We knew it was only a matter of less than 2 seasons before you'd stab each other in the back. Heidi, I give you props for pretending to go to school when you were secretly planning your boob-job and rise to the F-list. It must have been hard to do your fashion homework inbetween all those blow jobs you gave out like candy.
18. "How would you characterize yourself as a high-school student?"-Admissions person at FIDM
"I never did learn anything. I never went to school, I never did anything, I just went shopping and hung out"-Heidi
Heidi Montag, more honest than Bill Clinton since 1992.
17. "I have a very stressful job, I have to guard this VIP area"-L.C
Does this even need a comment?
16. "My dad always told me flowers mean 'I'm sorry' and chocolates mean 'I love you'"-L.C
Judging from the seasons thus far, I think flowers mean "You will choose me over Paris and then I will proceed to get a DUI and rehabilitate myself at the Musuem of Tolerance" and chocolates translate as "we will have anal sex and it will be filmed". Yup. That's actually correct. I speak Laguna fluently.
15. "Love is not a maybe thing, you know when you love someone"-L.C
This is so deep, I feel like I'm at the bottom of the ocean. I'm down here with the Titanic screenplay. I will not let go, Lauren Conrad because everything makes sense now.
14. "You'll find out. I told you we'd have a good New Years. I'm not saying anything after, but I'm saying we'll have a good New Years. I'm not saying it's going to end up good though, I love you. I didn't do anything"-Jason "if i'm not schizo i'm violent" Wahler
It was probably safer for everyone when he was pre-verbal.
13. TWO: "Lauren didn't go to Paris. She's always gonna be known as the girl who didn't go to Paris. Did you regret that decision?"- Lisa Love (sidenote: L.C nods)
FOLD: "How was your summer at the beach your boyfriend? Did that work out for you?"- Lisa Love (sidenote: L.C shakes head)
I am Lisa's bitch in that sentence. We all are.
12. "Are you still going to be my buddy?"-Jason
"I can't be a normal buddy though, it just doesn't work"-L.C.
translation officially provided by the Oxford Latin Dictionary
"Are we still going to fuck?"-Jason
"I can't fuck on videotape though, only off camera"-L.C
11. "I mean, well, you like me. That's why we have these issues. We have a choice....to be at peace, you know, kick rocks. be acquaintances....or we can be cool with each other and enjoy the company and have fun with each other"-JustinBobby
My heart sorta belongs to JustinBobby for the sole reason that he is able to make a clear-as-windex booty call into this hippy-dippy mantra about being cool with the moment. Not that convincing Audrina would be tough. She makes L.C look like a physicist. But, jeeeesus people. He might as well have said "we have a choice. we can not have sex (boo) or we can have sex(yay)". p.s. in other news, kick rocks? What Charlie Brown?
10. "this is life changing mexican food"-Spencer on Don Antonios. I've actually been to that restaurant and then promptly confirmed Spencer was a waste of what's left of our planet's air.
9. "The only time I miss having a boyfriend is when I have to put something together, or when I have to pick something out, like a T.V, or when I have a lot of groceries"-L.C
This is actually a filler quote because Jen Bunny's were too stupid to reproduce. You're welcome.
8. "It's summertime playa, I got to get my gear on"-Spencer.
Heidi wore you like a wetsuit, PLAYA.
7. "I'm ready to be something than somebody else's intern"-Whitney
This sounds like edited out line from Garden State. PUT AN ELLIPSIS ON IT WHIT.
6. "abby, abby, alex, allison, allison, bambi, britney, blonde britney, vegas britney, canada whore"-L.C reading off Brody's home.
either Brody is the biggest scumbag that side of the mason-dixon line or that's as damn real talk as it gets.
5. "Bud, you know what's even more fun?"-L.C
"what?"-Brody
"your condo"-L.C
you can call him 'bud' all you want, but that's braille for BJ in your Range Rover in 2.2.
4. "Maybe she picked him up at Rehab"-Spencer
"Maybe they are back in movie-making action"-Heidi
Ooooh, evil comes with a penis AND a vagina.
3. "None of my friends are sober"-Jason Wahler
That might be a conflict of interest j-dog. Alcohol was your gateway to spewing racial slurs. Sober friends might be a wise choice unless you want to spend your life as a live exhibit for the Museum of Tolerance. Your call.
2. "I love you"-Heidi
"No, you don't"-Spencer
Stealing from an old school Getbackinthenews episode recap for this one 'cause there's really no better way to comment: "I'm pretty sure that's emotional abuse". Entertaining as hell, though.
1. "I want to forgive you, but I want to forget you"-L.C
the "oh snap" heard around the world.
BONUS: Spencer off-camera quote.
"I'm making people react and ultimately not think about that we are in a war with Iraq and trying to pick leaders"
Yes, this was actually said and put to print. That, uh, doesn't make sense. Spence: subject, noun, verb. connections. in. brain. make. them. now. please.
Tune back for the rousing 4th season where we'll be sure to have another library of quotes to add to our bound collection. Leather or parchment? You decide. I'm out like Jason Wahler from society.
xoxo,
RealesTalk
6 comments:
A+
can we please spend more time on Jason? i want to hate him but i LOVE HIM SO MUCH HES SO BAD ITS SO GOOD
i read back in april our very own Jason Wahler was getting his own
VH1 reality show which was going to be entouragesque, whatever that means (does he have friends?). then i recently read that he and his fiance are pitching a show reportedly called 22 and Taken - with their wedding as part of the focus. meanwhile, she doesnt finish "school" until 2010 and he has about four pending lawsuits in just as many states. you stay classy jason wahler.
When I was at the gym yesterday they were showing a Laguna Beach marathon. If you can believe it, I never watched that show so my first intorduction to LC and her world was The Hills. Anyhoo, all I have to say about LB is that if I were Stephen I would have picked Kristin too. Also, Lo in a bikini isn't bad. at all.
kristin is a whore
thank you. that was useful.
You guys didn't miss the show last night did you??
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