The ISLAND: F your way to the end

Previously: Abe gets attacked by killer wasps, goes home like a vagina. Johanna bones Kenny, audiences across America have violent physical reactions. LadyAlliance attempts to destroy JohnnyBananas-- fails.

And here we go...

What is this? Europe pre-WWI?
Alliances have been drawn.
Johnny, Kenny, Derrick, Dunbar (who may or may not know he's in like France at this point) + the tag alongs Johanna and Paula, both fine specimens of physical prowess.

Rachel, Jenn, and everyone else who hates Johnny. Hey, bananas. Hating you makes people smart, not Nazis. Ask Germany. They wouldn't have wanted you.

and the fighting, name calling, talking smack has already started. We are 2 minutes in and this is incredible. Frankly, I am starting to question the "doctors" that do the psych evals for these hoohas. I guess that's a pretty sweet gig considering if you don't do your job well, America and MTV's ratings benefit.

Survival of the idiots
Good thing Robin knows how to sail a boat. She really did work hard on her "boat" which i think truly means "bartop at coyote ugly". Robin, if you are already pissing off Derick, this really does not bode well for you.

Starving your cast members makes for amazing television
So...what we have learned from 8 minutes of this episode, yes we are still pre forst commercial break, is that when you starve people they. lose. their. shit. Fingers pointing, smack talking, crying, and we are all still hungry.

OHH CALL JO OUT ROBIN. You are hungry, and have the hungry rage black outs. I sort of want to give this girl an emmy for her radical restating of the obvious truth about Johanna being a whore. but what? Robin f'ed Kenny? Oh Robin. I hope you did some serious penance for that. disgusting. I actually can't really even look at you. Can i get a blue dot on her face? On both their faces? On all of their faces?

Dear Kenny. You do NOT look like the man. Johanna is... a mess. So is Robin. Your definition of "girls" is questionable. I hope hope hope hope hope someone destroys her. I also hope that Robin's rage lasts until the challenge. So she can kill Johanna in a hurricane of fists and elbows.

Hope there were c-doms in that airdrop
EW. Robin and Dan. Who are the same person, different genders? Gross. gross. again, gross.

Are Robin and Rachel going to make it official? I am without words. This is what happens when you make reality "stars" very bored and give them no food but endless booze. Jesus. These people need a tv.

Bring on the Bitches, bitches.
It's gonna be a ladies elimination. Bout time. Let's get rid of those "newbies", says Rachel, age 65.

If watching these hussies try to lift the air drop box is any sort of preview to the upcoming challenge, i simply can't wait.

Johanna is now saying that she doesn't want to volunteer until she see who is in. I am... confused. Did we not just see her scream, loudly, on camera, that she was ready to take on Robin? I guess that's sort of like not being ready to volunteer.

Rachel wants: Herself, Kelly Ann, and Ashli (who?)
sidebar. Rachel and Robin. Cooperate. Against Johanna. DUH.
HOW DID JOHANNA GET OUT OF THIS? WAS I THE ONLY ONE ON THE ISLAND LAST NIGHT THEN THIS SHIT WAS BEING TALKED? GAH! Also, how did Rachel become our biggest threat?

CHALLENGE: THE RACK
there are parallel bars. you will be on them. holding it as long as you can. TJ will ask you to assume certain positions. Yes that is as dirty as it sounds. also, you are a chinese gymnast with baby teeth.

Robin v Rachel v Kelly Ann
now we go

quote lavin: "butt on the poll, hands on the other". gross. i mean. gross. And they have been doing this for an hour? sweet lord.

And Robin is out. That was... fast. She is...screwed.

Jenn: "Rachel needs to open up her legs to keep her butt up there". I mean. Is that what you said to her in bed last night?

and... Kelly Ann WINS?!?! whoa. whoa. watch it Johnny bananas. your days may be numbered.

Vote or Die
Rachel is making a plea to the kennyjohnnyaxisofevil. best of luck to you, madame.
blahblah let's all talk strategy boringboring cut to the chase tjlavin

Robin wampwamp cry cry blahblah blubber blubber
Rachel....getting voted home. yow. this alliance scares me.
cue horribly obvious parting music waaaaaaamp

Next Week: stuff happens, I assume. DVR rebelling against me. the end.