The ISLAND

uhhhhh someone please explain to me why all the chicks with eating disorders won't stop talking about eating. we. know. you. are liars.

Ashli won't shut up, also no one wants you. so CAN IT.

THE ALLIANCE
is all about having keys. say what? i thought it was about boning. and trickery. and smack talk. guess i haven't been watching the same show as the one you are on, Paula.

DRAMA MAMAS
are we really fighting about Ev? Guys, please. this is just sort of silly. You guys must be incredibly hungry.

Ev has been hording food. i mean. can you blame her? girl is huge she needs her protein! it has to take a lot of energy to make your hair that big everyday. why don't think just subtract all of the eating disorders out of the pot and then everybody gets more and the crazy chicks get skinnier. everybody's happy.

We Gotta Get Rid Of Johnny
YES! FINALLY! Someone is listening to me! Now kill Kenny! DO IT! dooooo it.

"It's bananasbirthday and so we are all going crazy"
why that translates into excessive eye makeup I really don't know. also. you guys can get wasted without costumes. you have all been on national tv wasted before. so...
Jenn... yow. crossing boundaries to make the magic with JohnnyBananas. Not that kind of magic. the kind where you get to compete. i think.

UGH. Again. Who is ASHLI?! And why are she and Robin screaming? Oh because there is no food but there is a LOT of eyeliner and booze. Kenny, that facepaint is def an upgrade on your heinous mug.

Can we just take a moment to appreciate Ryan for always ALWAYS stirring up the drama pot? thank you, Ryan.

AH AH AH AH GROSS Ah AH AH YOU CUT YOUR TOE OFF??? This is why you shouldn't get blackout drunk and wander outside without shoes. idiot. I sort of hope she gets voted in for the challenge.
"Robin made me feel like I was so below her". Well. Ashli. Sorry honey but you sort of are. and that's a pretty awful place to be my dear.

Also, dear Army. I do not appreciate you using the island as a recruiting tool. F off. love cara.

Low Phone
Again. 10 minutes. I love how Colie made the rules about the phone and then got on it immediately. NO ONE MISSES YOU COLIE. NO ONE. whoa. Derrick is gonna be a Daddy? How does that make any sort of sense. oh lord.

All She is Is Another Mouth to Feed
"you can at least leave the rest of us some food" - Dunbar
what a gentleman. hilarious. ashli. who?
"go home already stop eating our food" - Dunbar
"Is she sitting there rolling her eyes at me? Stop being a bitch" - Dunbar
can someone remind me-- was he the one that stalked people with knives?
"Colie. You're a bitch" - Dunbar

Wow. this guy is a champ. Managed to avoid all camera time until he starts spurting out insults and profanities like he's got tourrets.

Face/Off
Jenn wants in the Alliance. Gross.
Paula is skinny. If she wins I will be personally insulted.
Ashli is missing a toe, and clearly needs to go into the face/off. Maybe she'll be lucky and it'll involve hanging upside down like a sloth.
Ev's hair is huge and she wants a key. to go with her visor.
Johanna and Paula want to take on the gimp, and are willing to endure verbal abuse from their "alliance" mates in order to do so. you girls are stupid.

Wow. TJ. Is. Struggling. With. The. Cue. Cards?
12 for Jenn
3 for Johanna
11 for Paul
HOW IS COLIE THE ONLY ONE HERE CAPABLE OF COUNTING?
108 for Ashli
2 for Ev

Plague
This is why you shouldn't piss God off. Right? Right, God????
Cohutta be chillin. on the couch. with his net. hahhahaha. HOW is it possible Cohutta and Colie are the most reasonable people on this entire island? Hope those bugs aren't carrying anything fatal.

Challenge: Ball Buster
Each of them has to pick a dude. Now we got
Ashli and Derrick
Paula and Dunbar
Jenn and Tyree
There is a ball. A huge ball. that you have to roll into your goal. twice. and you win. also you get a bootleg bose.

I wish I could even describe what I am seeing but Tyree is a house and Derrick is full of rage and Paula has an eating disorder and Ashli can't really use her feet.
Paula can use her thinking skills and managed to get Jenn to collaborate in order to win. ugh. I guess if I was bleeding all over I would probably want out too.

Paula wins? this is not what I expected to happen. Guess Dunbar is hungry with good reason.

Jenn's body will give you 100% all the time (that's what she said). Chick without a toe can't.
TJ thinks Ashli is a quitter. Dear TJ. Let them quit. Please.

Next Week: Ev gets thrown to the wolves. Or does she?