Let's just jump right in...
Ev and Brooke are still going at it. Literally. and I quote: "if we had a kid together we would call it "brooke-lynn"." GROSS. You know what they say about seconds dates and getting out the turkey basters... can you IMAGINE how insane that child would be?
"I am NOT going to allow Evelyn to have unrealistic expectations about me"-- Brooke. Says the chick who wiped her vagina in front of her camping instructor, her RW cast, and the whole world.
Robin looks a lot better than she used to. well. challenge. remember when she used to bang Mark, the oldest cast member of all time?
Cha and I are sitting here wondering who this new fat guy with red face is. not ERIK who is also fat guy with red face. oh his name is Derek, fat guy with red face. Not Derek who kills you with bulldog wrestling moves.
CHALLENGE:
you WILL run in the ocean and soak up as much water as you can. Is this for real? That wasn't even TJ's fault, it just literally did not make any sense.
Here is the thing about Brooke and Johanna fighting. They both suck. balls. or vag.
Jillian. Again. Who are you? You are still bunk as hell, and WHO ARE YOU?
Also, TORI? Who?
This team is actually the biggest bunch of biatches. I don't think I like a single chick on that whole team. And I LOVE this shit.
Cha: So... once again we have left all of our challenge equipment at home. And we gotta play "what do we have sitting around in Mexico?" well. Linen. Ocean. Think we got some string...
And another Veteran win. TEAR OFF YOUR SHIRT!!
Is this Gauntlet an ad for skin cancer?
oh GOD SO MUCH SUNBURN. these poor white people.
Jillian: The veterans clearly are out to get me. Well Jillian, maybe it's cuz of your DYE JOB
Derek calls the veterans a bunch of meatheads. Glass house. Rocks. God.
Cha: Wow. Brooke got some therapy since RW. That is some conflict resolution right there. And Cha is an MSW so...
whoa. Rachel? Shouldn't you be in Iraq? Defending your country? Like a good fatty?
this Gauntlet requires a visual diagram. And is being played under a dinosaur. Um...
So apparently Brooke "doesn't like physical contact". Does that exclude rubbing your vagina up against gays?
Eveyln. Even in the confessional you look like ass. Perhaps there is a hair and makeup strike on the gauntlet?
Jillian wins. BLECH now they are gonna bone 4eva.
Awwwwwwwwww Brooke and Ev. Teary goodbye. REALLY tearful goodbye. Like shaking and moaning goodbye. this probably wont delay Evelyn's roid rage...
Brooke is so thankful for Ev's unconditional love. She really DID just love being around you Brooke. and YES you CAN find that with a man someday. gah.
AHHHHHHHHHH ROID RAGE TIME MEOW!!!!!! Evelyn WILL kill someone.
BIRTHDAY PARTY! You know what that means! Get drunk and bone!!
Evan: "Zach. This is a trendy club. And you can not come in here with your cabbage head."
Ew. Casey and Johnny. GROSS. I truly wish that Evan would narrate everything for me. Yes. Run into a closet. and then make out. naked. I guess this makes up for the emotional abuse Casey took from Wes over and over last challenge.
Tyrie leads with his HEART, people. and if his girlfriend needs HER heart to be operated on... he will be there. oh yes, he will.
Whoa. 2 challenges per hour? NIIIIIICE. Remember when it used to be half a challenge and half an hour a week?
Again with the visual aids TJ. And cool it with the "your guys". Your grammar is atrocious.
This challenge is weird and confusing and also boring. Fast forward.
Interesting. Rookies win. With the veterens having 3 players remaining. But don't the rookies have 4 less people?
Rookies. Please. DON'T take direction from Johanna. She is incredibly dumb. Look who she lives with. Seriously.
Is Frank wearing glasses? Is he a nerd?
Evan in the Gauntlet. He better not be sent home. Send in Johnny Bananas. He is annoying. But not Erik. I like Erik. He is my kind of fatty.
Johnny v. Evan.
Huh. this battle is starting before we even get in the Gauntlet. WHO CALLED ME OUT? WHO CALLED ME OUT? Johnny. shut up. It's a puzzle gauntlet. Well. this doesn't bode well. This is a chick challenge, man.
Nice! Evan! Wins! Hooray! and then they kiss. weird.
DID YOU FEED BABY CASEY TODAY?
Gah. She is awful.
Do the people on the challenges not realize that challenge relationships are NOT real relationships? Tyrie gets it. That guy gets it. wah wah bye Tyrie.
next week:
THROW THAT CHALLENGE! and a MYSTERY REPLACEMENT playa!
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Gauntlet III
Monday, February 4, 2008
GAUNTLET RETURNS
Thank GOD this is not Rob and Big. UGH that show is AWFUL.
gauntletgauntletgauntletgauntletgauntletgauntletgauntletgauntletgauntletgauntlet
ohhhhh in fabulous MEXICO!! you know what THAT MEANS friends!!
Brad: LOVES being single. LOVES making me throw up in my mouth.
Coral: loves to make stink face
Johanna: NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU AND WES. YOU GUYS ARE GROSS. GROSS!!
Diem: Bat. Your. Weight. Pretty sure you are too good for CT.
Janelle: That is a face for radio.
Kenny: Who are you calling children? You are like 19. Shut your hooker mouth.
I really can't comment on this opening segment. That will come later. Don't worry.
TJ tells us the rules. and I am not paying attention. I have a feeling someone dumb will end up explaining it to me over and over every week anyways.
Challenge One:
TUG OF WAR!!! INTENSE!!! PULL THAT ROPE!!! YEA!!!!
ok this is kind of boring. i'm gonna stop typing for a while. ugh Robin.
Hmmmmmmmm Carol and Beth. That sounds...sexy? or dangerous? or awesome?
Let's just say, for the record, thank GOD the writers strike doesn't affect reality tv.
*obligatory throw you in the pool montage*
VIVA MEXICO!!!!!!
hahahhahahhahahahhahahaahahah remember that time CJ clocked Davis? In the face? 2 seconds in to last season? good times, good times
Brooke is bicurious. and by "curious" i mean really really gay. that RULES.
Um. but I am confused. Brooke you just met Evelyn. How is this happening? I. ok. I will roll with this. Why? because there is literally nothing else on tv.
Wow. that is a lot of boning. And wow some of these chumps are bunk. WHY ISN'T ANYONE MAKING OUT WITH EVAN? Oh, because you are saving him for me? Thanks guys! That's so sweet of you!
Who is Jillian? From now on I will only refer to her as "bunk ass Jillian". Because she is bunk. ass.
OHHHH I LOVE PINATAS!!!! but these aren't filled with candy. or ARE THEY?
Again with the rules. and the poor explanation. I really miss Johnny Moseley. Even with half his face frozen he stil made a million times more sense than TJ Lavin.
That challenge was confusing but here is all I paid attention to--
Coral: "*string of profanities* I don't care how strong you are or how much you bench press or this rumor going around about you having a penis i will FUCK YOU UP"
And that is why I love Coral.
ok seriously. who is this Tori chick messing with my Coral. Oh you do not mess with Coral unless you want Melissa on your ass. It sounds like it might be fun but I am pretty sure its not.
blahblah more rules blahblah winners pick gauntlet and lifesaver blahblah whatevs
Wow. Nehemiah looks good. Huh. Weird. Coral really IS the queen bee of the challenges. I guess that makes sense. Confused I never noticed this before.
OH ALEX! HE WILL DESTROY YOU WITH HIS MILLIONS OF STDS FROM ALL OF THE CHICKS THAT HE BANGS!!
Wow. Nehemiah is like penecillin to Alex.
Ok "ladies". Not so sure if the "try to keep all the girls on the team" plot is the best one. Because I dunno if you have ever watched any of the challenges you have been on, but those dudes are huge. and they love to compete. and are good at winning. the end.
oh CT. it is about time. DON'T GIVE HIM THE TEQUILA!!! 
that is like giving the Gremlins the water! And again with the pissing off the Coral! Why!? The only thing better than a Coral/CT fight is a Coral/CT fight in front of everyone.
Diem. This reasoning you make about CT is a lot like this.
EPISODE DOS
Oh GOD. Tenderoni. Gross. NO I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH YOU. Beth is insane. Last season makes so much more sense now. I bet she feels like a REAL ass for those "crawl into my bed" comments made 5 minutes ago.
NEW CHALLENGE
blahblah some rules looks like an obstacle course. Wouldn't this be a lot more fun if it was Ninja Warrior? Also. Who wants a Zune? Not this guy. How about you guys get some real prizes and give out some iPhones?
EWWWWWWWWWWW WHY DOES CREEPY DOMINECO FROM TILA TEQUILA HAVE HIS OWN SHOW??????? 
Hmmmmmm...gonna fast forward through this challenge. It is long and boring. I wish it was spider jumping instead.
Stupid Rookies: Do you have an alliance? Do *I* have an alliance? YOU have an alliance!! If you THINK *I* have an alliance then you are dumb. But that's not a "no", is it?
gauntlet blahblah bye angel who are you again? never mind no one cares
Wow. Adam's beard is really out of control. Wasn't his dad famous, sort of, one time, many years ago?
Ew. Frank. So gross.
"I just want to rub you sometimes" -- Tyler.
Yow. That is a sweet opening line. too bad he's really not that into you...gah. that is NOT an easy let down either.
Tyler: "I JUST WANT TO TOUCH YOU"
Ryan: "I am not gonna do anything except make out with you. Drunk. Not sober. Ever. Also, don't touch me".
Well. These are the breaks. Break it up break it up break it up.
jesus. this is the most tv i have watched since the strike. CRAZY. not that i am complaining, but this is actually very confusing. And not just the rules for this challenge, which, if I had to describe to you in order to save my life or yours, i probably couldn't. still having a really hard time paying attention to this OH GAUNTLET FIGHT i love it! ohhhhhhh except for the part that involved Janelle's face. oh i do NOT love this at all. *shudder*
Bungee gauntlet again. I hope that you are happy Tyler. Is this really where you wanted all that whining to get you? Such huge wedgies. Bye, Tyler. I guess that made things way easier for you, Ryan. NICE.
Coming up on Wednesday:
Looks like some stuff happens. CT yells (duh). Fat guy gets red in the face (no surprise there). Diddy launches another season of making the band (oh wait)?
