Hello, Bitches.
It's early August. Summer is in the 7th inning stretch and you guys are hot, restless and your 3rd inning July buzz is wearing off. Looking back at the game thus far, yes, of course there have been some highlights. You might have gotten the 5th drunkest you've been in your life. You might have gone on some trips.....to Queens. All you teachers have quite possibly made a professional sport out of sleeping your faces off and day-drinking (i'm currently reconsidering the teaching profession). Let's face it. The hot mess that is The Real World Hollywood just might have been the highlight of your summer. That's ok. This is a safe space.
Despite Geoffrey having sold us down the river for indie music, in the end we can all be ok with it because two girls are now at the helm of this ship and thats probably the way it should be. No, I'm not being cliche and feminist here. We're girls. We are made for this crap. We will hang on to erroneous and inconsequential details. We will be there to pillow talk after Heidi says something ungodly idiotic for the umpteenth time and you don't know quite why, but you want to break it down and repeat it ad nasuem. We will love our Island Challenge cast-members, but we will be just as quick to superficially stab them in the back based on their looks alone. True to double standard form, we'll then retract to our lofty perch and go freudian on their personalities. We will be unabashedly cruel to Real World Red Hook (doesnt that roll off the tongue nicely?) because no matter how evil it gets, it will be child's play compared to what hipster Brooklyn is gonna pull on their asses. We will have no filter. We will blame it on being drunk. We will write better drunk. We might not make sense, but we won't skimp on posts and we won't be inconsistent. We are your steady booty call. You'll never quite know what you're gonna get with us and it's very possible we'll go e-coli-crazy, but at least you'll always get it. We'll bring the heat every time, but you won't have to work for it. We'll make you feel good.
So we need something from you guys in exchange for pure satisfaction. It's time for you to get back in the game. You don't want your summer to go out limp. There are still a couple more weeks to make some bad decisions. There is still time to throw down a bar tab that is more than your bi-monthly paycheck. You can still get the hell out of New York for a few days, even if it is just the Jersey Shore (get your shots). But most importantly, there are new MTV reality tv shows on the horizon. So, let's real talk for a hot minute here. This is what's on deck for the final innings of summer '08. Get the fuck up, get a fresh, cold beer and get your head back in the game. Channel your inner Joey (pre-rehab) and get loud in the stands. If you stick with us for the remainder of the summer, you just might become attached. That's usually frowned upon with booty calls, but like I said girls are running the show now. We're crazy. We are masters of the bait and switch. But, in the end, just like there are three reasons to be a teacher (july, august and the jewish holidays), there are three names that will get you through fall (getbackinthenews, realestalk, merlot).
The Hills-August 18th, 10 pm.
Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Island-September 17th
Real Word Red Hook-airing provided they survive.
It's good to have you in our bed again. Ya'll know the digits.
