my apologies: i couldn't get it together last night to watch the episode in its entirety so i watched online and here are some thoughts/things i learned.
1. when you watch online, it is sponsored by something. the latest episode is personally brought to me by gossip girls and the new 90210. wow. that is a mouthful. i feel like i just downed a strawberry lemonade at ruby tuesdays. you know, the kind that gives you diabetes in one sip because there are actual grains of sugar floating at the top of the glass. i mean i also feel sort of molested by teen soaps without even having my t.v on. weird.
2. when the cast gets at all get off track (i.e talking about whitney's
3. l.c is over doug. when was she under doug? why is doogie still even in the picture? i mentally counted him out weeks ago. lose the zero and bone a hero, chica.
4. this episode is called 'better off as friends'. i swear this is a title they have used before so i am making up my own sub-title: 'better off under brody'
5. stephanie tells us spencer disowned her as a sister. i mean, honey. throw yourself a freaking party because he is a grade A freakaholic and i think he might want to get biblical with you because you are related/unrelated. i still cannot tell.
6. whitney's boss asks her why it took her so long to get to work. whitney apparently came STRAIGHT from her flight. riiiiight, cause i always look like a neutrogena ad when i get off the red eye. whitney you know you stopped to freshen up otherwise, i don't like you.
7. kelly cutrone is one horny woman. she might as well have been in a meat locker while doing the model audition. i think she only passed alex off to whitney because her mounting him at people's revolution probably would have been frowned upon by mtv. that chick was foaming at the mouth.
8. i thought The Hills was the first time i'd seen spencer onscreen. but no, no, no. he previously starred in silence of the lambs. imdb has it wrong. it's actually not anthony hopkins. 'cause that dinner scene with heidi; admonishing her for missing his own sister and then looking at his watch while licking his chops and telling her its time to get in bed and cuddle was straight out of a serial killer flick. heidi looks like a little doe eyed deer about to get eaten alive.
9. i think brody gets paid to do these "dinners". or else he's getting a hand job under the table. also, CAN YOU GIVE US SOME ACTUAL DIRT ON STEPHANIE. "i could tell you things where you'd be tripping out"... if she's so bad, throw us some legit stories over here. we only got like 17 mins sans commercials. 10 if i take away the minutes i spent on the internet during whitney's part.
10. speaking of which, getbackinthenews said it best about any and all whitney segments: please don't give the girl her own spinoff. i took a 90210 quiz duing this.
11. possibly the dumbest line of the season, if not the show thus far: stephanie saying that her pet "used to be a hamster and now it's a guinea pig". wow, producers/editors/people behind curtain you really sold her down the river on that line alone. those are two different animals babygirl. i would have paid them off to take out that clip. just saying. its worth the 10 grand you make.
12. "i've waited too long to pick the wrong guy"-L.C. actually, you've picked the wrong guy like over and over but who's counting.
13. SPENCER AND STEPHANIE ROUND 82. this isn't getting any newer.
14. doug said more words in the "breakup" scene than the past couple episodes combined. he was still boring, though, which is the saddest part. he sounded desperate but i think he was pleading more to stay on the show than stay with L.C. hop on stephanie, let the back-stabbing begin. while you do that, i'm going to start operation bring jason back.
and just like that, another one hits the books.
next week: vegas ushers in jail (YESSSSS!!!), stephanie in tears and more Audrina/Lo/ LC angst. finally, let's get back on track because i'm beginning to feel like kanye: you should be honored by my lateness/that i'd even show up to this fake s*it
BRING IT next week hills. im warning you.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Better Late Than Never
EXILED: Ava
Again. I am wishing that Exiled featured biatches from Jake's glory days covering Sweet 16. Comic. Gold.
"Oh My God"
So from what I can gather, Ava is a spoiled brat, possibly in college studying "global studies" (?!). But still living at home and getting her parents to pay her bills? The best part of this show is the intro intervention. Like everyone you know pulling you into a room to tell you what a brat you are and how much you suck. love. it.
Ava be goin to the jungles of Thailand. Holla! AGAIN WITH THE IMMUNIZATIONS PEOPLE. you.will.get.malaria.it.will.suck.dot.com.
Ava: "Are there a lot of bugs?"
famous last words baby
"What do I take?"
Ava's packing list for jungles of Thialand:
- white lace blouse
- blowdrier
- flat iron
- stilletos
- coats. several.
um. here's the thing about the jungle...
and you major in "global studies"? does that not include GEOGRAPHY CLASS?
sidenote: is anyone else deeply troubled by kid rock being EVERYWHERE? At least Mario Lopez is attractive. and has killer abs. and gorgeous dimples. and shaves. and loves hair gel.
"Are these your pigs?"
Thailand looks awesome. Also these people are lovely. and friendly. so what if there are pigs everywhere. HER SUITCASE BROKE THEIR FLOOR. they are surprisingly not concerned.
Yea, Ava. Sleeping in the mosquito nets is BETTER than sleeping outside the mosquito nets. Again with the malaria...
"If you are lazy you have nothing to eat"
I am loving this Thai host. She is awesome. These are words to live by. TAKE A PAGE FROM HER BOOK, AVA. God being an American is HARD. "in Beverly Hills we don't have farms". Jesus. Thank you Thai chick for not letting Ava pull a fast one on you about the chicken.
The biggest poo in all the land
oh. yes. she just told you to shut up. WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING TO SLEEP TONIGHT? do NOT get nasty. You're the one that doesn't want to pick up the elephant poop.
How long are they Exiled?
I have a theory. That your term on Exiled is totally dependent on how long it takes you to have an emotional breakdown and stop being an ass. I am pretty sure that if you are a douche for 3 weeks, you're gonna be there til you change your 'tude.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NEED THE ISLAND SO BAD SO BAD SO BAD SO BAD SO BAD
September 10th can not come soon enough
"I wish to visit you in Beverly Hills"
Honey, I certainly hope you never go to Beverly Hills to see Ava in all her glory. In fact I hope MTV pays you in cash the airfare cost, at fuel premium prices, on top of whatever they gave you up put up with her stupid ass for undisclosedamountoftime.
Quote Cheeseburgers: "this is offensive to people of color everywhere".
fact.
Next Week: FROZEN TUNDRA
